Rant No.7 – Aunty X and Uncle Y

Every Nigerian has one: the Uncle that is only called to family meetings in order to be chastised; the Aunty a few years older than you that always seems to be in trouble; the words your most often hear them described by are deviant, wayward, and… gasp!… Black Sheep! Occasionally you might hear ‘deliverance’ in reference to them. They are often the youngest child of your grandparents on whichever side, or a distant cousin from the village.

Whenever they visit, there’s always a story but they’re nice to you, they’re cool, they live life with aplomb and you watch them live it helplessly because you’re caught between your fear of your family and your desire to join them on the dark side because, disapproving family reputation or not, you are undeniably attracted to the sheen of their rebellion.

On the other hand, they might be the completely wrong sort. They steal, they’re rude, they’re uneducated, half the time they’re shagging the housemaid or the cook, and worst of all they smell. They wear your clothes, your jewelry, use your stuff and always seem to be asking you for money, even though they’re way older than you. In extreme cases, they’re forty-five and still won’t move out. In your desperation you become the perfect child and study as hard as you possibly can so you can get into the best school as far away as possible to escape the possibility of ever even remotely imagining them again.

All Nigerians have a special love-hate relationship with these two. Most people have one or the other, but if you’ve been lucky or unfortunate enough to have both, then more power to you and I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall of your house.

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